hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
