It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I am mentally ready for anal.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
