I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize