3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
