Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize