it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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