if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize