You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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