she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
All I want is dick and wine.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
