I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
