I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
