i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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