god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
