It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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