we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
