Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
