Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
