If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
