I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
