I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
