You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
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