Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
