that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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