I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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