I can tuck mytits in my pants
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
