New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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