I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
