32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
