I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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