She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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