I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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