these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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