I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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