my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
