Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
