if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
