Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
