he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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