I wish I only lived at night.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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