Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
