How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize