this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
