i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
