tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
