butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
My first STD was from a foam party
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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