I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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