mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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