I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
