my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
