This girl is more easily done than said...
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
