Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
