TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I looked at my own cervix.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize