we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
