Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize