Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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