I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You pole danced in your parka.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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