Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(740): View more from Ohio

i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one

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(952): View more from Minnesota

he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.

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(661): View more from California

It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.

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(260): View more from Indiana

just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.

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(530): View more from California

he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.

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(251): View more from Alabama

I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever

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(815): View more from Illinois

After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex

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