im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
