That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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