fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
