saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
