Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
