He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
