thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
