Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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