You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
