I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
