Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
