dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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