one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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