I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
