she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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