On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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