I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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