worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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