I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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