I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
