He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
