i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
