I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Randomize
