oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
