2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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