I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
we're making bets on your personal life
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize