dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You have to summon your inner elephant
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Randomize
